I am currently writing as one child watches kids YouTube on his tablet and the other eats rice off of the carpet. My room is covered in an array of clothing and toys in an explosion that was my attempt to organize. I just caught myself mid yell as my three year old slammed my iPad against his desk repeatedly. It is 12:48 and I am already all cried out. I am exhausted and for no reason at all. This is normal.

You see I live with my in-laws, my family and I, so we have one room and that room has no closet or the ability to have holes put in the walls for shelves thanks to the concrete structure. We downsized when we moved here and we’ll, “stuff” has accumulated. Every time I try to clean and organize I break down and cry because I have no place to put anything and the idea of simply throwing everything away makes me feel I’ve wasted all of the money spend on them. What was a beautifully cleaned (stacked piles of things) room yesterday, is now a disaster area and cause of my break down today. I just want to get rid of it all!

Prayer is where I turn in these times though I find myself feeling a bit hopeless, I always think to myself, “I know God can, I just don’t think He will for me. Maybe this is my lesson. what are you trying to show me Lord?”

I want to have faith greater than my doubt but the struggle is real and the mom life is hard. I know He can do it and in my weakness His strength is made perfect, so here I am, sharing my testimony, letting others know they are not alone. Your house isn’t the only one that is a mess, your kids aren’t the only ones that don’t listen. You aren’t the only one living much less than what they imagined! But God is good! Do not grow weary! There is a praise report coming, even if we can’t see it yet, praise God! In the end, it is our faith that saves us and not how clean and organized our lives are!